Michael Phelp Jokes!

[IdolMe]

Michael Phelps can walk on water but doesn't want to show off, so he swims instead.

When Aquaman needs help he calls Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps cashed his plane ticket in and swam Butterfly to the Olympics.

Michael Phelps arrived in China riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

Michael Phelps craps out Energizer batteries.

Michael Phelps is the only person in the world that can race a speed boat.... and win!

Michael Phelps doesn't swim through the water... the water swims around him.

The only thing that can defeat Michael Phelps is another Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps qualified with a top speed of 378 mph at the Daytona 500, swimming!

Michael Phelps doesn't have a condo in Ann Arbor, he has a cave in the Atlantic.

One time, at band camp, Michael Phelps slept with all the women.... in one night.

Touch pads reach for Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps was hungry before a race and ate his competition.

When you say "no one's perfect", Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult.

Michael Phelps only swims through the water because he considers walking on top of it too pretentious

Michael Phelps can swim through dry land.

Michael Phelps doesn't swim with sharks. The sharks swim with him.

Michael Phelps eats whole cows for breakfast and then washes them down with Gatorade.

Michael Phelps sleeps underwater with one eye open.

The First rule of Michael Phelps is: you do not talk about Michael Phelps.

Arnold Schwarzenegger calls Michael Phelps for weight lifting tips.

Michael Phelps is the reason why Ian Thorpe went into retirement.

Michael Phelps will single handedly save NBC's poor summer ratings.

Michael Phelps' pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Michael Phelps can swim butterfly backwards and still beat his own world records.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps once kicked a shark in the head... Its descendants are known today as the Hammer Head.

Michael Phelps doesn't wear a watch and he never is late, in fact is always arrives in world record time.

Michael Phelps recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Some swimmers use drag suits in practice... Michael Phelps uses a lead suit.

Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin' about.

Michael Phelps can sneeze with his eyes open... underwater!

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Michael Phelps pajamas.

Michael Phelps built the Beijing Aquatic Center (The Cube) 30 minutes before his first race.

[Feisty Kitty]

Hahaha!!! Love It!

[TaylorHicksRocks]

Yep that sounds like my man...

[IdolMe]

Anyone want to add any to the list????

more:

-When Michael Phelps dives off the blocks this is the reason we have earthquakes.

-Michael Phelps is the reason why sperm banks are in business.

-Michael Phelps is sleeping with Amanda Beard. (not funny but she is HOT!!!!)

-Michael Phelps has no girlfriend or wife.... he just chooses any female of his liking whenever he wants.

-Michael Phelps doesn't use mouthwash he rinses with a bottle of chlorine every night before bed.

[TaylorHicksRocks]

I think you have it covered....That is why you are the MAN!

[adora1]

I laugh every time I hear playboy former presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani praising Michael Phelps as "the greatest Olympic athlete ever," on radio commercials I'm hearing for a motivational seminar. (Hear one at KGO.com archives 11:35 a.m. Monday).

Remember, Giuliani was a former New York prosecutor who came down heavily on drug users. Phelps was recently photographed smoking weed from a bong, which got him dropped as Wheaties spokesmodel (some argue Weedies should pick him up).

The self-righteous Giuliani was also a guy, who as mayor, had on duty cops drive he and his girlfriend to Long Island trysts, according to the New York Times, something a good prosecutor should have charged him for (misuse of city funds).

Here is the link to the Zig Ziglar seminar at which Rudy and Michael are speaking. Maybe they can share a bong or a babe.

What else in God's name could a hustler like Giuliani teach about anything but hustling? And Michael, I mean, who am I to judge, but I thought we were taught that weed kills motivation. Does it make you a better Olympian? I know some shops in Santa Cruz that could use a plug from you.

[smithlanger]

Sounds funny to me that he can walk on water instead he cant swim...dose'nt make any sense buddy..