frank
03-13-2007, 10:56 AM
Jesus Too Wimpy For Conservative America
by Nikolai Stephens
Jesus needs to toughen up if he is to continue appealing to conservative Americans, according to a leading fundamentalist Christian research group, the Southern Baptist Institute for American Affairs (SBIAA).
"Many conservative Americans feel that Jesus Christ, as represented in traditional versions of the Bible, is ... well to quote one respondent, "a bit of a nancy boy,'" said institute spokesperson Mark Alvin. "Basically he's too soft, and conservative America wants a stronger, tougher Jesus in these difficult times."
The institute just released a research paper outlining conservatives' perceptions of Jesus. It also made recommendations for future biblical and pictorial representations of the son of God.
The paper identified a number of problems with the traditional versions of Jesus. The key ones being-
* His long hair and a beard, more commonly associated with liberals, pacifists, and college professors;
* His preference for liberal ideas such as tolerance, compassion, turning the other cheek and social justice;
* His statements of love for other men;
* His passive willingness to be executed by a bunch of Italians;
* Statements such as "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eyes of a needle, than for a rich man to enter heaven," which seem to blatantly favor the poor and undeserving classes, rather than the worthy, hard working people who have accumulated wealth as a result of their honest toil and / or deserving family links.
The report states, "These elements are unacceptable to many conservative Americans, and unless we address them, the current great rise of the religious right may falter..."
"Conservative youth will be alienated by versions of a pacifist, forgiving Jesus."
The report recommends a new interpretation of the Bible with more emphasis on the tougher side of Jesus.
"I think we could expand on the time when he gets angry and throws out the money lenders in the temple," Alvin said. "Young Americans can identify with a Jesus like that, one who's not afraid to take out the trash when it's necessary."
The report also recommends that visual representations of Jesus be transformed. "Traditional versions of him with beard, long hair and robes just don't click these days with our key market," it states. "Sunday schools, Christian organisations, and the media as a whole need to perceive Jesus in a more conservative, holy, and American light."
A more appropriate image of Jesus, the report suggests, would portray him as clean cut, shaven, and dressed in a suit. Another more casual option it outlines, could be to portray him in easy fit trousers, belt and a tucked in t-shirt with the American flag imprinted on it.
Alvins says, "Basically we think there's no need for a single defining image of Jesus. Indeed, people can identify with him more if they see a range of images of Jesus. You can't tell me he wore the same clothes everyday. He's not Bart Simpson."
He denies that the paper's recommendations are blasphemous. "Of course they're not. They're just new, and I might add more correct, interpretations of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. I, and I think most of my fellow Americans, are sick of being foisted images of a wimpy, namby pamby Jesus clearly created by Catholic Europeans to brainwash their subjects into accepting liberal points of view."
"We feel that conservative America needs an alternative - a more American option. And we intend to give them that.
"We all know he's an American at heart."
by Nikolai Stephens
Jesus needs to toughen up if he is to continue appealing to conservative Americans, according to a leading fundamentalist Christian research group, the Southern Baptist Institute for American Affairs (SBIAA).
"Many conservative Americans feel that Jesus Christ, as represented in traditional versions of the Bible, is ... well to quote one respondent, "a bit of a nancy boy,'" said institute spokesperson Mark Alvin. "Basically he's too soft, and conservative America wants a stronger, tougher Jesus in these difficult times."
The institute just released a research paper outlining conservatives' perceptions of Jesus. It also made recommendations for future biblical and pictorial representations of the son of God.
The paper identified a number of problems with the traditional versions of Jesus. The key ones being-
* His long hair and a beard, more commonly associated with liberals, pacifists, and college professors;
* His preference for liberal ideas such as tolerance, compassion, turning the other cheek and social justice;
* His statements of love for other men;
* His passive willingness to be executed by a bunch of Italians;
* Statements such as "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eyes of a needle, than for a rich man to enter heaven," which seem to blatantly favor the poor and undeserving classes, rather than the worthy, hard working people who have accumulated wealth as a result of their honest toil and / or deserving family links.
The report states, "These elements are unacceptable to many conservative Americans, and unless we address them, the current great rise of the religious right may falter..."
"Conservative youth will be alienated by versions of a pacifist, forgiving Jesus."
The report recommends a new interpretation of the Bible with more emphasis on the tougher side of Jesus.
"I think we could expand on the time when he gets angry and throws out the money lenders in the temple," Alvin said. "Young Americans can identify with a Jesus like that, one who's not afraid to take out the trash when it's necessary."
The report also recommends that visual representations of Jesus be transformed. "Traditional versions of him with beard, long hair and robes just don't click these days with our key market," it states. "Sunday schools, Christian organisations, and the media as a whole need to perceive Jesus in a more conservative, holy, and American light."
A more appropriate image of Jesus, the report suggests, would portray him as clean cut, shaven, and dressed in a suit. Another more casual option it outlines, could be to portray him in easy fit trousers, belt and a tucked in t-shirt with the American flag imprinted on it.
Alvins says, "Basically we think there's no need for a single defining image of Jesus. Indeed, people can identify with him more if they see a range of images of Jesus. You can't tell me he wore the same clothes everyday. He's not Bart Simpson."
He denies that the paper's recommendations are blasphemous. "Of course they're not. They're just new, and I might add more correct, interpretations of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. I, and I think most of my fellow Americans, are sick of being foisted images of a wimpy, namby pamby Jesus clearly created by Catholic Europeans to brainwash their subjects into accepting liberal points of view."
"We feel that conservative America needs an alternative - a more American option. And we intend to give them that.
"We all know he's an American at heart."