Are you looking to find out the exact steps to take to turn any first date into a next day tale of your sexual prowess? If you are having trouble closing the deal, it’s about time you get in “the know”. Some people find it to be an impossible task to meet a girl, take her out, and take her home. They can’t get to the end result they are working so very hard for, and it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. If this is your everyday scenario, follow along and learn the ropes. Be advised, these 7 ways to get her in bed on the first date may cause calls for lost panties, an increase in self esteem and upbeat swagger.

#1 If She is Legal, Bring out the Drinks.

Alcohol can be a mood setter all in itself. Don’t get carried away with it, just a few drinks to lighten the mood and loosen up your date. Conversation seems to flow easier, and you also need to be open to saying the right things.

#2 Talk the Talk

If you want her to be open to suggestion, you have to show that you are taking control and know what you are doing. Talk like you are a worldly man, a confident man, and a man that knows what he wants.

#3 Be Spontaneous

Even if you are the type of person that needs everything planned out, you at least have to make her feel like she is being spontaneous. If everything seems planned, its boring, and the end result is she will plan out how she feels the night should end. When she has time to plan herself, it leaves you to her will. Make everything seem to flow, from the date to the after date drinks at your place. Then onto some sort of games, more drinking, touching, kissing leading to the bedroom and you know the rest.

#4 “Let’s Go Somewhere and Be Alone.”

Don’t be hesitant to throw it out there and be direct. Women sometimes need that little push to do what they already want to. They get nervous too, and letting them know you are up and ready for it can be that added assurance to go with it.

#5 Allude, Allude, Allude.

You have to do it in a funny way, or else you may seem too shy to say it — ie. another lonely night. Ask her if she wants to come up to your place and check out your stamp collection. Note: If you have a stamp collection, this is just a ploy to get her upstairs in a funny way, don’t bore her with your 12 cent Elvis stamp.

#6 Be Prepared

Nothing can kill the mood faster than a missing link in the chain. Sometimes you can lose out by forgetting something small; but things like condoms, showering before going out, breath mints if you know your spitting hot lava, are all things that need to be addressed. Change your sheets if you expect her to get into bed. Clean your place and set it up to match the mood. Have candles ready if you have to take it the extra mile. Invite her to check out how comfortable your bed is, and jump in with her.

#7 Just Go for It.

The night has been going good. You have been playing the whole thing aloof, teased her about little things, and turned the topic sexual. She happily accepts your invitation to come up for a night cap and you sit and talk and kiss and.. The next step is where you have to seal the deal. Make the move to take it to the next step. If you don’t make a move and expect her to, you have lost your man card and are required to hand your balls over.

Lead her by the hand to your bedroom, put on the music, and get ready for a fun night. If she seems hesitant that is fine, hopefully this isn’t her everyday lifestyle and you have kept her at just the right point to get out of her comfort zone. On the other hand, kicks to the balls and/or face are a good sign this might not be the night.

Take cue from these tips and you will soon be the envy of your friends. Remember to put your own twist on everything and take advantage of your skills. With practice, you can have this method down to a science, and no woman is out of your reach.

It seems no matter where you move, there is at least one neighbor that can’t stay out of your business. They constantly complain, and do everything in their power to make your life a little tougher. Time for you to return the favor. When it comes to pissing off your neighbors, there a few things you can do that can really cause the most annoyance with the least amount of effort. Follow along and pick and choose your favorites.

Get things done around the house

One of the easier ways to piss the neighbors off is by simply doing chores outside your house. If the lawn needs mowing, take the initiative to start it real early in the morning.
Wait until the nosey neighbors are peacefully sleeping, and remember to go over the spots closest to their house. It allows you to wake them up without really giving them anything to complain about. You have to get your work done, it’s just too bad it’s not a good time for them.

Time to get extra friendly

So how does being nice piss them off you ask? Allow me to explain. Flirting with your neighbors is a great way to start a fight, and get them extremely irate. Just take the time each day to act flirty and friendly with on member of the family. The parents only, for those that need to be told. By doing this little covert move, you can get them pissed at you, and start fights between them. It becomes a double whammy.

When nature calls.

Man’s best friend can become a huge ally in your attack on your neighbors. Use your canine to cause as much trouble as possible. Take him walking on their lawn when they aren’t there to stop you. Make sure to let old scrappy finish his business in the walking path if possible, leading to the best possible scenario. If you have a neighbor scraping his foot as he walks up to your door to complain, you found a golden spot, keep it up.

Summer is here, possibilities grow

When summer arrives, there are multiple opportunities that open up. One such choice that can really piss those people off is.. Covert missions to destroy their lawn. Start with the classic destruction of their hose. Go ahead and poke holes throughout the hose, making sure that a simple rag won’t cover it and allow them to get by. Destroy a few hoses and see how quickly they start to crumble. The next steps might get you in trouble, so work at your own risk. If they have in-ground sprinklers, take the initiative to super glue those bad boys down. It normally takes people a while to even notice their sprinkler heads are stuck, and can in the mean time leave their lawn dead or dieing.

So what is left to do? All out war..

Time to do all the childish things left in your arsenal. Get out there and be creative. Lube up their door handles. Ice down their driveway in the winter time. Wake up early and sabotage their cars with bananas in the exhaust. Check your cars engine early in the morning, by just revving and revving and revving. Spread out these attacks over time, so that you can keep it fresh. Some things get old, or can be adapted to easily. Keep them on their toes, and watch them crumble.

Words of Warning

If you don’t want cops coming over your house, cover your tracks or make sure your neighbors are the revenge type over the cop calling type. A challenge is always fun, and you now have more up your sleeve than the average Joe. Keep the destruction and damages down to a minimum and keep yourself in the clear.

There she is, the woman of your dreams. She has everything that you ever wanted, brains, personality, and damn what a body. The problem is that there is something awkwardly familiar about this one. Could it be? Is she acting the same as your mother? If you’re on the ropes about this one, take my time tested, true to form look into the actions of a mother-like girlfriend. Next time you hear some of these statements, you can sleep soundly in the knowledge your girl is like dating your mother.

1) Is that what you are going to wear?
Certain mothers always want a say in everything, all the way down to your clothes. You might soon find your current girlfriend doing the same things. When she starts deciding what you should and shouldn’t wear, that is a surefire sign she might be like, say it with me, dating your mother.

2) Take the garbage out, do the dishes
This is a common phrase that you may hear very frequently from your significant other that will make it seem like you’re dating your mother. She may start to irritate you about all of the ways that you fail to contribute around the house, and begin to give you household chores that you need to complete.

3) These bills have to be sent out by Wednesday
Us men may be the bread winners, but our women handle the bills. At a younger age, everything was handed over to your mom. Can you take a guess as to where you hand them over now?

4) Be home by ten.
When you are younger, your parents set a curfew for you so that they keep their level of control while making sure that you are safe. When you get older, your significant other may start to give you a curfew as well. At first it may seem cute, because it shows she cares and wants to be around you. After the first time or two though, the man within you will start to come out, and that’s when trouble starts.

5) Red meat? Are you crazy?
This obvious attempt to keep you healthy is covertly a subtle hint she might be like dating your mother. When you grow up, you are told what is good for you and what isn’t. For a time you live freely and eat what you want, until an unfamiliar source starts to dictate your diet like in the past.

6) I don’t like that Vic character one bit.
Every guy has at least one friend that can, at times, encourage you to do something downright dumb. In the past you would hear your mother tell you how she feels about the friend, and how you should stop yourself from associating with them. Now that you are in a committed relationship, guess who starts to complain now.

7) You can forget about me wearing that red nightie you like
Although it would be sick to think of this specific example, punishment is an easy sign she is like dating your mother. Whether she takes away your booty privileges, or starts to plan out day trips on Sunday afternoons during game time, those past feelings of being punished resurface quickly.

8) Where’s my dinner woman?
Sometimes it’s not just your girlfriend that causes this feeling. When you start to expect certain things done like having dinner on the table when you come home from work, guess where you get that from? When she starts to do it for you without complaining, this situation can feel like something from your childhood. Seems like you might have a new mommy now.

9) Don’t worry honey, I’ll take care of that.
Following your eating needs, your girlfriend might begin to do other chores that were in the past handled by your mother. Sit back and relax as your room gets cleaned before your eyes, without you lifting a finger. There is a trade off though, with the chores she will expect you to do in return.

10) Where are you going? Who’s going with you? What are you doing? When will you be back?
The ‘four w’ approach is classic, and can create a familiar urgency to think on your feet. This constant need to know everything about your day is a staple of the mother-like girlfriend. This is a definite sign she is like dating your mother.

In the past, people have done almost anything to find that perfect counterpart. Matchmakers have made a living off it, bars have kept the drinks flowing, and the dreaded ‘speed dating’ has reared it’s ugly head. People have done just about anything they can in the search for love. As the technology age continues forward, a new approach has encouraged thousands to flock online in an attempt to find what they are looking for. With so much information out there to shuffle through, I have come up with the top 10 reasons why online dating rocks, and how you can benefit from it. So let’s jump right in, shall we?

1) Fear of Rejection

You can finally breathe easy without the fear of rejection. Online dating is a carefree playground, with no need for anxiety about your looks, personality or any other crutch you feel you have. You will also never have the need to sneak out the back door of a restaurant after finding out your blind date had exaggerated certain characteristics, and ignored mentioning some ghastly others. Not everything is about looks and I assure you that when you start online dating you will see for yourself that falling in love with the person as a whole is much more satisfying.

2) The Entire World is at Your Fingertips

You can literally be in New York and date someone who is in Korea. Unlike the old days, geography is no longer an obstacle to getting to know an array of different people. You can connect with anyone who has a computer and see how it goes. The opportunities of online dating are endless in this sense.

3) Improved security measures

Online dating continues to become a safer practice due to the numerous sites that now institute background checks on all prospective users. You can browse through individuals without fear.

4) Compatibility Test

Dating sites online offer you a chance to take personality tests and find out who is compatible with you. Along with this, there are online dating sites where you can specify that someone have the same religion, hobbies, or any other appropriate attribute. Narrowing down the possibilities is a luxury you can now enjoy.

5) Convenience

Time can be an issue for some people when it comes to dating. However, dating online brings a great advantage for these individuals because they can go online whenever it is convenient for them. You are only a click away and whenever you want to go on is entirely up to you.

6) Shy People Can Hook-up Too

If you are too shy to go out and meet people, dating online allows you to say things to individuals that you would normally be too scared to. It’s a great way for you to loosen up and really allow yourself to be yourself without worrying about saying something dumb.

7) Less Confrontations & Games

You do not have to worry about confrontations, because there won’t be any! Lets say you are in a bar or just out anywhere and you get approached by an individual that seems interested in you. At this point you may become uncomfortable and the situation may become awkward to have to tell the person that you aren’t interested in them. Often times, certain individuals just do not get the hint, and they simply refuse to take no for an answer. A great advantage of online dating is that when you are online chatting to others, you can just simply let someone know with a quick e-mail that you are not interested in them. They can then be blocked from contacting you and you can go on to chatting with others.

8) Spend Less Money Getting to Know Someone

When it comes to going out or dating, your looks are of major importance. Women spend hours rummaging through their closets, trying on outfit after outfit while modeling in front of their mirror only to find something wrong with the way they look. This can be eliminated by online dating! You do not have to worry about getting dressed up and looking your best, because you are simply chatting. You can wear whatever you want, and feel comfortable in the convenience of your own home.

9) Get to Know them Before the First Real Date

It is nearly impossible to find out everything about someone that you have just met, especially if your first meeting is in a loud place such as a bar or club. In these places, you really never have the opportunity to converse on a deeper level. Internet dating allows you to take all of the time you want when it comes to getting to know the individual before setting a day to meet. Some people might meet right away if they feel comfortable, while others may wait.

10) Affordability - Weed Out the Dogs Before You Spend Money

And the final reason internet dating rocks, drum roll please.. Online dating is extremely affordable, with some sites charging nothing while there are other sites that charge a small fee monthly. You can meet millions of people in the comfort of your home, and it will cost you less than if you were to go out to any hang out zone just once a month. Ditch the over priced brews and low interaction lifestyle you might be use to and take a look at all the options online. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

“FOLLOW ME TO PARADISE”

Because of your never ending need to follow, I’ve decided to return to tell you what, and how to think, using this forum as a vehicle.

If I ultimately decide that it’s in your best interest to fulfill your destiny as cultural Lemmings and have you march off a cliff, you will do so…

If I decide that you must think a certain way about a subject tendered, much like the way that viewers of Fox News Channel do, you will mindlessly obey…

So sit back, turn off your minds, put your seat-back trays back into the upright position, and wait for your marching orders my Furry Little Lemmings.