Idol Me Blog

Sanjaya’s Chariot

What do you guy think?

IdolMe News
March 21, 2007
Francis L.

There are news reports surfacing around the Internet that “Ashley, The Amazing Crying Girl,” seen nationally Tuesday evening on Fox’s American Idol, is really 34 year old Harriet Johnson of Bakersfield CA.

IdolMe news has been able to obtain medical information pertaining to a condition that Ms. Johnson suffers from,
Atopic Colic Tear Syndrome, which gives her the ability to cry on demand for extended periods of time.

Media reports coming in, points to Ms. Johnson being hired by Fox producers in an effort to create sympathy and extra votes for Sanjaya Malakar. The effort to keep Mr. Malakar around another week is directly tied to Fox’s desire to milk this situation for all the extra ratings that can be garnered.

With the combination of Fox’s hire of the 34 year old “Lil’ Crying Ashley,” the satellite radio campaign of Howard Stern, and the backing of the website www.votefortheworst.com has all but assured that Sanjaya will make the list of the top ten finalists.

By making the top 10 finalists list, Malakar is guaranteed of a spot on Idol’s summer tour of America. Which in turn guarantees huge adolescent girl summer tour ticket purchases.

As of the posting of this report, Fox, has failed to comment. We will keep you posted as this story develops.

Francis L.

Anticipation

Everything is perfectly in place. The lights are turned down low; the music softly plays in the background. My heart races with anticipation and expectations that are near electric.

A lovers caress, a gentle brush across the softness of her face. My hand explores.
With all of this leading up to that one special, rapturous moment that we have waited for.
Her eyes lovingly gaze into mine, then suddenly………

She Farts.

Yeah, watching tonight’s show was like that, eager anticipation leading to a disappointing mood letdown.

A “D” List British Invasion

Tonight’s show held the promise of an evenings worth of great music from the heyday of the 1960’s British Invasion. Music from The Beatles, The Who, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks, The Hollies,
The Musical “OLIVER”!? A James Bond Movie Theme!?

Fox, WTF were you thinking?!

Not one Beatles song was performed! Wasn’t it The Beatles who launched the entire British Invasion? There was one “Stones” song performed, ONE! So out of eleven singers, only one saw fit to actually perform a single song from the two biggest groups of the whole era’s movement. What reason could there possibly be for such an unforgivable omission as not performing any Beatles songs? Fox couldn’t afford to pay the royalties? For God’s sake they’re getting over a million a minute for commercial time! And I thought that Idol had some sort of working relationship with the owner of the copyrights to the Beatles music, Wacko Jacko?

Besides the fact that the song list was barren of relevant music, there is the other matter of dress. Not only did no one dress in keeping with the music of the theme, but for the most part everyone looked like they either just got off of an 8 day Greyhound bus trip, or raided the costume warehouse of the movie “Guys and Dolls.”

If Fox keeps insisting on dragging out these “Theme” nights, shouldn’t the singers at least look the part of the evening’s theme?

And then there were the “Coaches,” Lulu and Herman. The contestants pretending to know and admire these two dinosaurs were both laughable and sad. Each “Coached” singer feigned interest, heard advice and let the advice go in one ear and out the other. Then they each took the stage and did exactly what they were going to do regardless of the observations of two old Indian Casino performers.

Hell, Fox even took away the most insanely enjoyable part of the evening for me, other than Haley’s pole dance,

The group sing.

The evening opened with Haley. I forgot what she sang, but frantically searched for dollar bills as she was singing whatever it was she was singing. If for no other reason but the fact that she chose not to wear clothes, she has to be put through to the final 10.

Next up, Chris R.
Blah Blah Blah….Sun catch you cryin, Blah Blah Blah

Stephanie Edwards has quickly become this years “Casper the Friendly Ghost.” You know she’s there, you can hear her voice, you just can’t always see her.

Blake Lewis, Beat boxed the Zombies Time of the Season. I liked it. I still like this kid as a dark horse to win. The best part of his whole performance was that Blake got Ryan to do a little Gay Dance and beat boxing exhibition after the judges critiqued him.

“KiKi” decided that the British Invasion was best exemplified by a rendition of the titled song from the 007 Movie “Diamonds Are forever.” Was the “British Invasion” still going on during the year 1971, the year this film was released? To accent her performance, the bejeweled KiKi wore a possible million dollars worth of diamonds. Along with that low-cut Green 5X sized dress she wore, KiKi looked stunning. Stunning that is if she was auditioning to become next years Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza New York.

Phil S. Attempted to Rock the House with the Nashville Teens Tobacco Road. OK, he’s bald, dresses poorly, (what were those stains splattered all over the front of his shirt), and he wanted to be tonight’s “EDGY ROCKER GUY.” Umm No.
That would be the other bald guy, from last year, Chris D.

Jordin Sparks, this years’ Diana DeGarmo, was solid singing “I, who have nothing.” She’s a lock to make the final 4.

Sanjaya

Just the name oozes star power! Rockin the house with his own special spin on the Kinks “You Really got me now” Malakar brought back memories of audiences full of weeping and screaming fans. In his case, one weeping fan, Ashley, the amazing crying girl, who seems to be able to cry for no good reason on command, sort of a Tearful tourette’s syndrome? It must also be noted that Sanjaya’s sister looks awesome in low cut blouses as she bounces up and down.

Gina, “The Brat Stop Rocker Chick”, was the only one of the evening to choose a song with “Balls.” the Stones, “Paint it Black.” Unfortunately she didn’t have any…..balls that is.
Her attempt at being Patti Smyth, or even Joan Jett, is falling way short of the mark. (BTW… “Hi Gina” - we know she reads our blog)

Sligh’s “Fro Patrol chant” seemingly is a blatant rip-off of some other patrol chant I seem to recall. Chris seems to break out into an impression of “MeatLoaf” weekly now. He really needs to get the band back together, they “Complete Him.”

The show ended with a bang when “The Amazing Doolittle Flying Machine” performed that 60’s British Invasion Broadway classic, As Long as He Needs Me” from the play “Oliver.” Many a night as a 12 year old in 1966, I would be sitting around with my transistor radio, listening to British Invasion Broadway tunes.

Francis L.

“Idol Schizophrenia”?

Science seems to have uncovered why some of this seasons American Idol contestants are unable to hear that they are singing badly and out of tune. A study recently conducted by US researchers may provide a possible explanation. The study reported that people with schizophrenia cannot hear false notes in music. This may help explain why many of the current contestants of the show are unaware of how badly they sing.

Schizophrenia may block the music in speech: study

Thursday, March 1, 2007
By Maggie Fox

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - People with schizophrenia cannot hear false notes in music as well as healthy people do, and often cannot make out important tones that convey meaning in speech, U.S. researchers reported on Thursday.

They now want to see if their findings could lead to new ways to treat the disease, either with drugs, therapy or both.

“We show they are not experiencing the world normally. They don’t read social cues. They can’t read facial expressions. They can’t tell by tone of voice what emotion a person is showing.”

“They can’t use pitch — they just don’t hear those pitch changes. Not only do they not get emotion, they don’t get whether it is a question or a statement. And what we show in the paper is that these sensory abnormalities are driven by structures in the brain, in the connections between the brain stem and the auditory cortex,”

Schizophrenia occurs in about 1 percent of the population everywhere.

It is far more common in men than in women and is usually diagnosed in late adolescence or early adulthood.

This explains much.

Along with the other male contestants,

I hope that Sanjaya gets better

Francis L.

This is a performance on a gay cruise… it was an underwear party sponsored by 2xist. Kimberley felt she was a bit overdressed for the event and decided to let her dress hit the floor…. she looks great. Here is a review by one of the passengers

“As much as I’d like to fabricate a story about my outfit being made up of 2 strips of black sticky tape across each boob and a leather eye path across my waxed nether regions, I can’t. It grieves me to confess that I failed the ultimate gay-boy gal pal test. I was a total flake…I kept my clothes on!

All I can say is the girl has balls of steel…I can’t imagine that being topped by anyone soon…. Drinks all around!”

This also apparently is her post Celebrity Fit Club body, the show is set to premiere in April, with her being one of the housemates.

Enjoy

www.moistcupcake.com

I remember seeing these two guys on Idol last week and wondered who they were.

Well apparently they’re friends of Blake Lewis, and they are an Improv Group, “Moistcupcake”, that tours.

This explains Blake’s love of stand up and improv. Here is a video that they did for their friend.

“Boredom in the hands of the untrained can be a very dangerous thing”

Just when I thought that the madness had ended, and nothing “New” could happen associated with A.I., this idiot surfaces. Her Name is “J”, she’s 23 years old, and she is now officially on the clock for being the next contestant on the “Who wants to be America’s Next Workplace Assassin.” This would be tragic if it wasn’t so damn funny. Who says that America’s youth doesn’t get involved in important issues anymore. The positives here are she appears to be in need of shedding a few pounds. And by the way things are going she may be Supermodel material before Sanjaya is done. Here’s her bio from her Myspace page;

“Leave the Light on”

There seems to be a need for an explanation as to why Sanjaya is still in play for the title of American Idol. Conspiracy theorists decry that Fox is bypassing the actual vote and keeping Malakar around just for the controversial factor of creating a buzz and increased ratings.

The actual reason that he still remains is because of a little known deal that Sanjaya has made with this individual……….

The particulars of deal are sketchy, but it’s believed that part of the original deal to become the Next American Idol includes the handing over of his sister Shyamali, to become the horned one’s next bride.

After barely surviving Diana Ross week, our attention now turns to next week’s clusterf—k theme, “British Invasion Week.” In an effort to keep the show fresh and musically relevant, Fox has decided to once again choose a genre of music where most of the original artist’s are either dead or senile. The only people that will relate to this theme will be card carrying members of A.A.R.P., and “Hippies” who are collecting Social Security benefits.

Ladies and Gentlemen;
May I present to you, this week’s Coaches”
Peter Noone and “LuLu”

Watching these two guide and coach the remaining eleven contestants through a menagerie of “British Bubblegum Pop Songs” that their grandparents listened to as teens, will be more painful than watching a shrieking Diana Ross drag queen, stumble about the stage.

It ought to be a “Groovy and Outta’ Sight Night.” I may have to dig out my paisley shirt, striped bell bottom slacks, and Beatle Boots.

Peter Noone’s initial reaction to the group sing.

American Idol has become to the music industry what Gilligan’s Island and the S.S. Minnow was to oceanic navigational strategy.

Yes kids, next Tuesday night is quickly shaping up to be another spectacularly tragic night.

I can’t wait.

Francis L.

.

“The Question is”
“What 60’s singing group originally recorded the song,
(More Today Than Yesterday), that washed up Motown Diva, Diana Ross performed on American Idol?”

It hadn’t occurred to me until tonight, that American Idol has become to Washed up Singing artists, what the “Elephant Graveyard” was to old or wounded elephants in the Old Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan movies.

The old or wounded elephants would limp whatever distance necessary to be able to lay down and die with their elephant ancestors.

Graveyard Night
So it was tonight, as the music crescendoes, spotlights are cued. Ross begins a full DIVA entrance through the sliding doors, with her arms outstretched, wearing a flaming red evening dress complete with feathery boa.

While making her entrance, Ross, the 83 year old octogenarian stumbled repeatedly from a combination of her gown being to long, her 8 inch platform shoes entangling themselves in the hem of her dress, and the fact that she’s old.

As she makes her way to center stage, she jettisons the boa, and proceeds to systematically perform off key, while shrilling and shrieking her way through her performance. It’s a sad day indeed when Diana puts on a performance that was easily inferior to at least five of the contestants from the previous night.

The only way that her performance could have possibly been made entertaining would have been if during one of her stumbles she would have fallen and broken a hip. Then she too, like the Elephants, could lay down…….The most complementary thing that I can mention about Ross’s appearance tonight is that she has one Hell of a Plastic Surgeon.

“I don’t want to go off on a rant here but”

The rest of the show was the usual tooth extraction without anesthetic. The customary Gang Bang Group sing, which tonight was an endless procession of Diana Ross Jingles strung together to memorialize an artist whose expiration date has passed.

Then there’s the ridiculous hippie vandalizing of a Modest Mouse tune in a Ford commercial.

And while I’m thinking about it, are this years men some of the crappiest dressers of all time?

I mean they look like indigent panhandlers for God’s sake.
You’re on TV in front of 30 million people. Dress like the Stars that you are pretending to be!

People, is this show entertaining to you? Do you care who wins this year? Hasn’t it become obvious that Fox, the producers, and the judges have already decided that the final is going to be Jones versus Doolittle? This means that for the next 3 months we have to pretend that this is actually a contest, by suspending our collective disbelief.

Suspension of disbelief
Suspension of disbelief refers primarily to the willingness of a reader or viewer to accept the premises of a work of fiction.

OBTW, Mr. Rogers left the neighborhood tonight, and nobody cared.
Especially the Fox producers, who “Vasectomized” Brandon’s farewell performance, Thank God something went right tonight.

Francis L.

Here are three examples proving that Ryan is Straight