Idol Me Blog

“An Easter Bunny Nightmare Experiment”

Let’s begin at the beginning.

The night began with Katie Bernard. She speaks in a Lisa Simpson cartoon voice, but amazingly sings in a Homer Simpson voice. She’ll be lucky to survive the group competition.

Next up Tatiana “What’s her name.”

The obligatory teen age, African American, Paris Bennett wannabe.
Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
She will be a mid round casualty

Moving on we arrive upon

Diana Walker, a Really Large cheerleader. She butchered a Whitney Houston song.
Maybe she would have done a better job had she had her pom-poms with her. Maybe had she sung in a cheer format, while doing the splits at the finish, the outcome would have been different? Then again had she done the splits it would have created a seismic problem, say like 7.5 on the Richter scale.

Jamie Lynn Ward

Kellie!? I guess diversity demands that every season have its own “Hillbilly Princess.” May I introduce to you, a country gal with a story befitting a great country ballad. “I live with my Granny and paralyzed Daddy.” Daddy, who was shot in a trailer home shootout over love done gone wrong.

There was Victoria aka Cousin It

Jack Osborne?

“Now I’m worried. Maybe I do sound like crap”
Chris, (Jack Black, Jack Osborne, Jack in the Box), Sligh..
Maybe indeed.

Finally, the highlight of my evening.

26 years old….no 33 year old…. No wait, 50 year old Margie Fowler gave a performance for the ages. I forgot what she sang. I guess it’s a brain defense mechanism working for me. She looked amazing! Never have I seen such an exquisite display of “Front Butt.” Her stretch pants accentuated her figure superbly. That Baby definitely got back…..and Front!!

Wednesday night can’t come fast enough.

Francis L.

A Demon…

A Dummy…

And a Saint…

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

“So you walk into a restaurant strung out from the road”
“And you feel the eyes upon you as you’re shaking off the cold”
“You pretend it doesn’t bother you,
“But you just want to explode” (Turn the Page-Bob Seger)

27 year old, American Idol contestant Sean Michel, has heard it all, “Osama”,” Fidel”, “Charlie”, or even “Jesus”.

Sean Michel is not what he appears to be. What Idol producers won’t tell you are that Sean is a deeply spiritual and devoutly religious man, who has more on his mind than just getting America to dial their fingers raw for Him. He is, no pun intended, a man with a “mission”

Quoting from his bands website, www.seanmichel.com here is a short narrative of just where his musical taste originated from.

“The music we love was born some time ago, in a cotton field somewhere as people sang their sorrows and hopes.” “There was something spiritual in these songs, something bigger than the pain of life, something that inspired endurance.”

“Over the years, these songs were transformed from Gospel and blues, into rock and jazz, and later became every aspect of what is now called the music industry.”

“As this transformation progressed further from its origins, it gradually began to lose the soul it was born with.” “The music around us became meaningless and empty, a wasteland of triviality where Gospel has been relegated as a footnote at music awards, a relic of where it all began.” “But things are destined to come full circle, and the time is coming for music to find its soul again.” “It is in this tradition that the Sean Michel Band finds itself, a band longing for meaning in a culture struggling to do the same.”

Sean most likely will not make the round of 24. He is not an image that can be mass marketed as an “Idol”. What he is though is a “Righteous Man of God” who will use this vehicle provided to him, to get his message out to those who need to hear it most, us.

www.myspace.com/seanmichel

Francis L.

Is American Idol the Hybrid Bastard Child of Chuck Barris? Along with other Stupid Questions?

After watching the past two weeks worth of shows on American Idol, several questions kept popping into my degenerated mind. Is Chuck Barris the Father of American Idol? Could Idol actually be a” cover” front, created secretly By Barris for the C.I.A. (Barris’s former Employer)

Was American Idol’s father really a C.I.A. Hit man?

Would this man be nominated for an Oscar in the best supporting actor category, for his portrayal of the washed up comic in Dream Girls?

Would American Idol be even mores popular if Simon were able to Gong and also ridicule?

Would “Gene Gene, the Dancing Machine” end up in Bed with Paula Abdul?

Would J.P. Morgan have been drunk or less drunk than Paula during the show?

God I need the real shows to start soon.

Francis L.

Is it just a Matter of Time?

Last nights auditions brought to mind a question that has bothered me from the very beginning of American Idol. Will a day ever come, that a rejected Idol contestant does something truly insane? Not just storm out of the room bleating obscenities at the judges, but actually act out on their hate and anger towards those who have just rejected them in a physical way?

Exhibits “A” & “B”

Exhibit “A” Ian Bernardo
This one time telephone psychic sang, well actually “spoke”, the lyrics to Laura Brannigan’s, Gloria. After his “Performance”, the Judges predictability lambasted his audition. The verbal war then began.

Simon: “It’s Just Rubbish.”

Bernardo: “Simon has built an empire by sitting in a chair and being bored and British, and I just wanted to know if he is legally allowed to be making millions of dollars off us?

Bernardo: “Why is a British man telling me what an American Idol is”?

And so it went until show security walked him out

Exhibit “B” Sarah Goldberg
Not since Kathy Bates’ performance in the movie “Misery” have there been a more disturbing and frightening display of obsessive delusional behavior. After “Sledge hammering” the virtual ankles of some obscure Selena tune, she became abusive and threatening towards the judges. She began an explanation of how she could be promoted as the “First” American Idol contestant that couldn’t sing. That was the highlight of her argument. It went downhill from there. She literally told Randy Jackson to” SHUT UP”! Then as she was leaving the audition room, she turned to utter her parting remark to the judges. With venom and anger she threateningly uttered,
“You’re all going to regret this”!

This brings me back to my original thought. Will a contestant ever act out their rage and anger of being rejected in a physical way? Have Fox’s producers considered screening auditioners psychological make up as well as their talent level? I wondered what kind of weapon screening is done by the show before unleashing these people upon the judges. This year’s choice to allow more mentally disturbed and mentally challenged individuals to participate seems like a dare for something bad to happen. Living in a world that is embroiled in terror, violence, and war, combined with the loneliness and isolation of many people lives, the possibility of a tragedy on Idol seems not so far fetched.

Francis L.

State of the Union Address Robs America of What Really Matters…..

Bad Singers

How dare you! Because George just had to spew some stuff about some war, and the economy, and gas made from grass, and a seven foot African basketball player, who does humanitarian junk, we were denied ONE HOUR OF IDOL!

How dare you!! This blatant criminal activity rises to the level of Impeachment Proceedings.

McPhee declares “Idol like being in Prison”

During an interview with Salon.com, 1/24/07, 2006 runner up Katharine McPhee was asked,

Salon: “What did you find challenging about your Idol experience”?

McPhee: “I think the controlling of it. Us (The Contestants) being like we’re INMATES, not being able to really see our family that much even if we lived in the area.”

Francis L.: INMATES!!! I have worked in a prison and if Kitty Kat were ever to find her in one, she would quickly become intimate with Ms. Butch and the “Business end of a toilet plunger.”

Salon: “I think that’s something a lot of people don’t know. That you guys live in dorms while the show is taping.”

McPhee: “Not dorms. We live in a hotel for a month, then we move to apartments. They don’t allow family and friends in the hotel rooms.” “It’s a little bit much.” “Towards the end you have security with you 24 hours (a day). “I don’t honestly really believe that someone is going to get attacked.” “It’s not like we’re Tom and Katie, you know?” “That’s different.”
“I think they hype that a little bit.”

Francis L.: ATTACKED?! By whom? a homeless man looking for a sawbuck for booze?

Salon: Is it true you snuck out at one point”?

Francis L.: Ohhhh you’re such a Bad Dirty Girl!!!

McPhee: “Yeah. I loved it. It was fun. It definitely was fun. It reminded you of being in high school or college again—being bad. It was really easy to sneak out.”

Francis L.: And now if you could just “Sneak out “of our consciousness, we would forever be indebted to you.

Francis L.

“Would the Last one Out of the Room of Good Taste Please Turn Out the Lights”?

”The Bush Babies”

To everyone that felt that “Idol” judges were being,” Too Mean” and “insensitive” to contestants this season, please don’t.

“The Bush Babies”, Johnny” Randy Pants” Jayne, and Michael “The Lemur” Swale, the artist formerly known as Kenneth, (yes he changed his name), have employed the services of a talent agent. Any empathy that these two may have received from us has now dissolved.

Appearing on Monday’s Today show with Meredith Vieira, “The Bush Babies” announced that they had hired a talent agent to explore future appearance opportunities. They also reiterated that they were still demanding a public apology from Simon Cowell for the disparaging remarks made towards the two.

This wish was fulfilled by Cowbell giving this “Heartfelt Apology” to the two.

“I think it was an off-the-cuff remark that I made, and he’s offended, then I apologize. I won’t ever call anyone a “Bush Baby” again.” Remarkably touching Simon.

Vieira then asked the two if they had any secret desires. Swale replied excitedly, “We hope to appear on the VIEW.” There’s a Goal! A plan to have an audience with “Queen Pig Rosie” and her squealing band of Piglets.

It’s now apparent that the Two “Bush Babies” have decided to take Simon’s insult remarks and build a Career from them using the William Hung’s Book ” Exploitation of Idiot’s for Dummies.”

WHY NOT?

Why not indeed!
During a recent interview, Randy Jackson commented that Billy Hung has earned nearly ONE MILLION DOLLARS since he began his rampage on America. So now we can look forward to seeing these two hawking prescription drugs for erectile dysfunction.

So fellow “Idolphiles do not give these two fundamentally challenged souls your compassion.

Save your indignation and empathy for those who truly deserve it,
Like the next shows contestants.

Francis L.

Kat McPhee apparently needs work, Badly!

Come on Kat… Lonelygirl15! (puke)

Tuesday and Wednesday nights ratings for American Idol opened as the largest ever for the opening night of Fox’s ratings steamroller. God save us all. Every one!

During her appearance on the David Letterman show Tuesday night, Washed up singer Diana Ross announced that she would be “mentoring” American Idol 6 contestants this season. No specifics were given as to just how the balding 62 year old Motown Diva would accomplish this seeing that she hasn’t been relevant to the music industry in over 20 years. Stay Tuned…..

Golden ticket recipient and now convicted felon, Thomas Daniels apparently let his past altercations with Seattle law enforcement slip his mind when trying out for Idol. In 2004, a then 18 year old , was charged with DUI in Seattle. When Asked about this Daniels only comment was that “I was young and Stupid”. Also coming to light is an arrest and charge of vehicular hit and run in a 2005. He then let his required court appearance “slip his mind” and failed to show at his arraignment. When asked to comment his comment, No Comment. Hey what’s the big deal it’s not “American Driving Idol” !! Nice fro’ Dawg!

Francis L.

Congratulations to Jennifer Hudson on her Golden Globe win for Dreamgirls . She looked genuinely happy and appreciative of her win. Let’s see if she can maintain momentum and continue building her film and musical career.

Now that A.I. has returned and feels it necessary to force feed us America’s Mutants and mentally ill. I’m reminded why I hate these “Freak Show” early shows. Here’s a “Mutant” who actually made it onto the show. From season two we have Vanessa Olivarez. Who’s three dubious “Claims to Fame”, in no particular order were, her above ad run by PETA against wearing fur. Simon Cowell chiding her to “Lose Weight” during her audition. And finally the fact that she Couldn’t sing. From what I see in this picture, my advice to Vanessa would be, “Put on a Fur would Ya“?

Phillip Joel Staley. Just a hunch here. This young United States Navy Rock Singer is someone to watch for. He comes across as a very grounded, intelligent, and worthy representative of being the Next American Idol. After years of A.I. promoting members of the military into the competition, I believe that this should be the year that we show our nation’s appreciation by moving P.J. into the latter rounds and possibly to a title shot. I will be doing what little bit of promotion I can do to help.
My early pick to win it all,
Phillip Joel Stacey….

Francis L.

Where was Ashton Kutcher ?
-This is not Funny
-This is not Reality
-This is not Entertainment
-“This” ………….“Is American Idol”

Tonight, Fox’s American Idol returned to once again seek out America’s most talented Karaoke singer.

Fox, is it too much to ask that just once, your producers could give us, the viewers, some respect and gratitude for making the show a ratings juggernaut? Respect, shown to us by airing singers who really do have talent? Look, we get it!

Most people can’t sing !

Fox, what you did tonight was the equivalent of giving forty million people wedgies. Once again you decided that we would enjoy sitting and watching four hours of carnival sideshow freak, slow motion train wrecks.

To say that you, Fox, are trying the patience of American Idol viewers, would be an understatement. Maybe we aren’t as vapid and shallow as you think we are. Maybe we have grown tired of being treated like monkeys on the sofa.

Tonight’s Highlight Reel
Among tonight’s chronically untalented and criminally insane contestants, I present to you, in no particular order:

1) The Delusional Make-up girl.

2) The angry black man saying that the Judges can ”Kiss My Ass!”

3) Authentic Amish Pop Singer in 70’s polyester sport coat.

4) The Gay Apollo Creed singing show tunes.

5) The “Break Your Heart Crack Baby Girl” who really can’t sing, But Hey!, She’s a CRACK BABY Girl! So it’s off to Hollywood for some Real exploitation of her life.

6) “The Latino Porn Girl” singing something unrecognizable. But does she have hair to die for or what?! Put her in some tighter clothing, turn up the Air conditioning, and we have another Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

7) The Cowboy Singer guy, in the “Woody” from Toy Story costume, who sang Johnny Cash. Who at the very moment Woody sang, spun like a gyroscope in his grave.

8) There was Navy Guy, who got sent to Hollywood along with Army Reserve auto mechanic chick. It just goes to show that the judges love a guy/gal in uniform.

9) The Psychotic Stick juggler guy, who upon his dismissal, showed the importance of recombining his medication schedule with therapy sessions. In tears, he was consoled by his family, who reassured him that he “Would be Famous Some day.” Yeah, famous like when some morning he’s a breaking news story on CNN. Where he’ll be shot off the roof of his high school by a local police S.W.A.T. team sniper

10) Finally, there was ONE. The Best of the night. Her Name is Sarah Krueger. She sounded wonderful, almost angelic. WTF were you thinking Fox? Just when I thought I was out, You drag me back in……………………………………………….Francis L.